It is interesting to note how cynical we have become, not only as individuals but also as a cumulation of disenfranchised beings with askewed notions and an infinitesimal tolerence threshold that we refer to as a society. Constantly in doubt, evaluating and enumerating others level of integrity and feeling triumphant when or if those perceptions that we had initially ever hold true. Some may argue that it is the practical thing to do, rolling their eyes with unbridled contempt if you happen to even mention the “t” word. ‘As if there can be such a thing as “too careful”, certainly not in this post 9/11 jehadi world where everyone is out to get you’.
In these times I wonder how can we ever truly fall in love? Wouldn’t that too be a categorical calculation made to soothe our inherent paranoia? It isn’t surprising at all when when we find it difficult, almost impossible to acknowledge love in our lives. I have known many people of varying dimensions, attitudes, plains of thinking, emotional mettle, etc,. all faring miserably when it comes to professing their love to the person of their dreams. It doesn’t seem so difficult, infact it shouldn’t be as it is the most natural and the most beautiful feeling one can have in a lifetime. But as 90% of the people all across the globe would agree that it isn’t!
Why does it become so difficult to accept and acknowledge, even to our own selves, that we like somebody? This would seem like the eternal rambling of an adolsent heart, but most people above 22 years of age still find it difficult to make that all to important first move. I thought this might have been so here in India because the way our society is structured here. A conservative outlook ingrained is in our daily conciousness by our parents, religion, media, fanatic politicians alike and a coy demeanour is considered some kind of a sign of piousness and “culture”. Liking someone is considered as ‘bad’ in a place obsessed with protecting their women and arranged marraige. But this is also true in “free America”, although not as rampant and obvious as it is here.
An individual as he lives and has expereinces at varying levels carries all those little ‘lessons’ as a baggage, a seemigly endless storage system that we refer to in the moment of anxiety and vulnerability. All those negative emotions of past hurt and derision, when someone had wronged us or broken our hearts come back as they are closely related to this feeling of liking or loving. These naysayers essentially cripple our spirit, the pure heart that longs to love with the innocence of a child, without any inhibitions, is shackled in these chains of mirrored perceptions which make us inept, incapable of accepting our true selves.
Sometimes it is the image that we build of ourselves that doesnot allow us to accept love in our lives. Women, not all though, believe that they will be perceived as being of lesser character if they happen to profess their love for someone or they may be taken for granted as such, it may sound absurd but is not totally irrelevant either. This I feel is a direct result of the conditioning of living in an male-dominated egalitarian environment. Ego, some may call it, prevents us from confessing the one true heart-felt emotion, too proud to let ourselves be vunerable or happy.
The most obvious is the ‘fear of rejection’ which paralyses us completely as we lose any possibility of others ever realising the wonderful being that resides within this cloak of insecurities. Also self persecution and extreme self-depreciation leads us to believe that we are not good enough for the person we like. Instead of taking a chance, letting the person decide for themselves, it is so much easier to pass a judgement by ourselves so that we never have to face the ’emotional trail’ or ascribe to a change even though it may be a good one.
The truth is you can find true love, we all are destined to, but it is imperative to let it happen to you. Let life happen to you. If you like someone, are hopelessly smitten or just plain curious, please express yourself. We live in a self-absorbed, narssacistic world where everyone is too busy to notice unles you speak up. It may sound very simplistic and the most obvious thing, but it’s true. Take that chance and set yourself free, stop being too afraid or scared of the most beautiful expereince one can ever have. Love itself is infinite, inexplicable which dilutes all that is preconcieved, the facades and calms frayed insecurities before it eventually leads to enchanting, mesmerising bliss. The moment will set you free.